as time goes by

How ironic... when put together some of the things and you realised that it's some kind of sign?? My last post was actually just a sudden thought after watching a TV programme.. and i just happen to have that thought during the CNY period... which is not something that should be going on during a traditional festive season... Maybe I should not have take the superstition so lightly... It does have its consequences... I decided to ignore it... and I'll never ever do that again... If I were to choose, I'll not be posting that blog... I'll stay positive the whole entire festive season.. and I'll keep my mind off these unlucky stuff... if it really does make a difference... i'm willing to reverse it..

The emptiness is felt everyday I walk into or out of the office... everytime i sign in or sign out... everytime I walk to the washroom... the gush of emptiness will just shove itself on me... leaving me feeling really heavy... it's not about weight now.. it's about a feeling... pushes your heart down making you hard to breathe but not enough to suffocate... I wonder... is this all planned?? in the hands of god?? He actually intend to make this happen?? or were there other reasons?? how could something so good have to meet something so bad?? it doesn't really make sense.. if it's all planned by Him... Why?? There are so many other candidates out there... why??

Every other thing seems so petty... relationship problems... money... stress... pure dissatisfaction... nothing seems to matter... to worry about such things really seems kinda pathetic to me now...
you loss a boy/girl?? so what?? you still get to see him/her... you have a concrete physically visible person for you to hate and blame for all the depression you are going through... at least, the person is there...
you dont have enough money to buy the thing you always wanted?? what's that to be depressed about?? you're alive and kicking.. go get your own funds... what's there to whine about the unfair-ness in the world that some people can carry stuff that costs more than the total of your earnings of your entire life... so?? is that really important?? you do have the chance to move and get it.. eventhough it's costs time and effort.. at least you could pay that..
stress and pure dissatisfaction?? ok, so it's your finals tomorrow and you have not studied anything yet.. or you're required to get some job done within seconds... well, at least you could feel the stress and the satisfaction if you overcome them... pure dissatisfaction is just sad, go get a life.. the world does not stop for you if you hated your job, your body, your face, your gf/bf, your rival, the person who have a nicer figure than you, a singer that sings like crap and depends solely on looks... there are plenty of things that are more important than to stop and feel negative towards something that maybe doesnt even care...

I do wonder is there a sign?? what makes me write my previous blog post?? is it a wake-up call telling me that if i want to pursue something i should not be sitting down write a list, and leave it there thinking that it's impossible to get them fulfilled.. instead, i should be planning on how to get it done and dealt with.. I'm a natural procrastinator.. i have a whole lot of things that i wanna do but i always keep it till tomorrow... until the time comes... something tells me this kind of attitude is not getting me going anywhere..

almost everybody takes things for granted... anything, anybody will still be there tomorrow... there are times that you might not be that lucky... and things can be too late, you'll regret but nothing's gonna change anything except for what's done is done... and you cant do anything about it... you may say it's not fair and you dont deserve it... but, does all the earthquake victims deserve to die because of the disaster?? does the victims of suicide bombs deserve to die exploded?? what did they do to the bomber?? besides being at the wrong place at the wrong time?? somethings are just meant to be and eventhough you question them, you'll never get the answer you wanted or expected or want to hear..

i miss the smile that greets me every now and then in the office.. i miss the company.. the constant company when I stay back late to get my work done... the voice that wishes me happy holidays before the celebration... all these seems minor but you'll realise that it really means a lot after it's gone...

I hope you're in a better place now, enjoying every bit...


Signing off...
may you rest in peace... Ernest Ong... you're a good friend and a fantastic colleague to work with.. you're the only person who colour italics so that it's more obvious... I'll miss you always... Goodbye..