[P]erhaps I should...

I am very easily inspired and impressed by indie filmmakers, how the strive about to pursue their dreams and how they work pass criticisms, rejections and all sorts of hurdles to achieve what they have got today... I really enjoyed watching self-made videos on youtube just to be reminded that I once (and secretly still am) dream of producing videos and showing them to people who are interested from all over the world...

However, no matter how inspired I was... I still could not find the courage to step out and try to make it happen.. I fear that it is not a secured career, there will not be a stable income and I need to give up a whole lot of securities that I currently possess in order to get going... I have absolutely no courage of doing that.. That's just what separating me and my dreams.. I could not let go the luxury of a steady income..

Watching videos like this always stabs me hard... Why can't I just be who I want to be, for once, not care about the circumstances and the consequences...




Oh well... I am not proud of it but I still don't have the guts to follow what I want in life.. I love writing stories, I love joining video productions, I love early call times and late wraps that makes a great video where everybody would cheer for... the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction I always craved.. spending days in all sort of environments, rain or shine just to get a 5 minute video done... that's the life I prepared myself for...

But, I guess... it pays to be gutless.. like me... giving up a steady income is just so hard... especially after knowing the real situation surrounding me... It makes it even harder to just let go and just go... I have such a strong need of security that even the thought of letting go just suffocates me...

So here I am... watching videos and mentally stabbing myself everytime I see people leading the life I have always dream of...

Just a word of advise, to anybody who is reading this... if you dont step out and start walking into the path of your dreams, you will most probably end up like me, sitting in front of a PC with the luxury of a paid day job writing out your regrets just like this...

p/s: Old thinkings die hard, even harder when you need them to

I hope you could live your dream although I couldn't!!


Signing off~
Toodles!

[J]umped too high and fell hard

Ah, the last day of July.. I could actually squeeze another blog post to fulfill my 3 blogs per month resolution.. I recently realised that I have not been moving anywhere in life.. I am always standing on the same exact spot and before I realise, I am sinking.. if I don't get myself up and move somewhere, I might just be stuck here forever and that's my life... No, that is too scary to picture..

I had dreams.. HAD... I put them aside after realising that it is too hard to be fulfilled and settled into a comfortable option... Not really a wrong decision but it was not right either... I have things that I really enjoyed doing and wanted to do it forever... But base on current circumstances, I could not make it a part of my life... it could only be a pass time and self amusement... That is not really what I have in mind...

So, I decided to take a step out and try to change.. but I took a leap, too confident of myself that I will certainly be out of this hole... in the end.. I dropped back in.. deeper than before... That was devastating... really devastating... and when I thought I could never leave this hole.. a hand appeared to pull me up.. but before I was fully out of the hole, the hand let go.. I guess, this is a sign telling me that I should get out of the hole on my own and solve my own problems...

I am still partially stuck in the hole.. waiting for the chance to get out of here for good... Hopefully I could... soon....


That's all for today..
signing off!!!
Toodles!

[H]appy times has come to an end

I shall just start this post by saying I am back in Cyberjaya... I have always liked Cyberjaya since I started working here despite the long drive and empti-ness of the area... but being back in Petaling jaya made me realise that there were a lot more advantages working close to home... the only main concern about PJ is the parking but since parking was provided by the building, it was not an issue at all... so there nothing to worry about.. the journey is shorter.. occasional traffic jams but as long as you have the grasp of time, you will manage...

Leaving PJ was like leaving a place that I have felt comfortable with... Not to say that CBJ wasnt comfortable but it was closer to home.. a 20 minute drive from PJ compared to a 40 minute drive from CBJ is a huge difference.. especially seeing the fact how much I love staying at home... the sooner I could see the rusty gates of home, the better it is...

Okay, besides that... one of my favourite games in Facebook is shutting down.. It's actually already shut down.. you now know how long i took to write this post.. Pet Society had its last day on Facebook on 14 June 2013... I am going to so miss my D-Ken.. he has been my pet for almost 5 years already... here's proof!! I can't imagine something that has been accompanying me for 5 years is now going to leave me... That's like a fifth of my life!!!

I fed him full every single day and dressed him up nicely.. Bought some nice furniture from the shops to redecorate the house.. Oh ho ho ho.. this is all so painful... All the time spent playing with him, feeding him, buying stuff for him... and now, it's time for him to go... sobz...

Here are a few of my favourite photos from Pet Society...

I saved a whole lot of Pet Society Cash (the ones you need to buy using REAL money.. or like me, would never spend money for something i could not touch.. you can log in everyday and earn 1 PS cash after every 5 consecutive times you log in) for this... The seven dwarfs that were so cute.. I spent all my hard-earned PS cash on them...

My Harajuku room... Although D-ken is a boy but i assume Harajuku is unisex although it's all pink and purple.. I even added the harajuku frame for the photo...

Oh, the wizarding theme once happened in Pet Society... I thought I had more furniture and decorations but this is all I could find in my 99 pages-long storage... Oh well... can you see the Dumbledore-alike doll on the chair?? and the Voldemort-alike doll on top??

The furry-Flintstone room... A crossover between the Muppets and Flintstones...

The fruity-citrus room... and the jello-thingy that d-ken loves to bounce on...

There were even more furniture for more rooms but I didn't have time to redecorate using all of them.. so these are a few of my favourites.. Feeling sad already for not being able to see my D-ken anymore... sigh.. Goodbye my little friend.. I hope you enjoyed the house and all those stuff I bought for you.. I really enjoyed your company.. BYE!!



Signing off!!
Toodles

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I have seen some bloggers post updates this way...
short and straight forward....
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What do I have to say for this week???
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I hate this part right here...
It has been a terrible week...
Nothing good happened...
Loads of misfortune...

as time goes by

How ironic... when put together some of the things and you realised that it's some kind of sign?? My last post was actually just a sudden thought after watching a TV programme.. and i just happen to have that thought during the CNY period... which is not something that should be going on during a traditional festive season... Maybe I should not have take the superstition so lightly... It does have its consequences... I decided to ignore it... and I'll never ever do that again... If I were to choose, I'll not be posting that blog... I'll stay positive the whole entire festive season.. and I'll keep my mind off these unlucky stuff... if it really does make a difference... i'm willing to reverse it..

The emptiness is felt everyday I walk into or out of the office... everytime i sign in or sign out... everytime I walk to the washroom... the gush of emptiness will just shove itself on me... leaving me feeling really heavy... it's not about weight now.. it's about a feeling... pushes your heart down making you hard to breathe but not enough to suffocate... I wonder... is this all planned?? in the hands of god?? He actually intend to make this happen?? or were there other reasons?? how could something so good have to meet something so bad?? it doesn't really make sense.. if it's all planned by Him... Why?? There are so many other candidates out there... why??

Every other thing seems so petty... relationship problems... money... stress... pure dissatisfaction... nothing seems to matter... to worry about such things really seems kinda pathetic to me now...
you loss a boy/girl?? so what?? you still get to see him/her... you have a concrete physically visible person for you to hate and blame for all the depression you are going through... at least, the person is there...
you dont have enough money to buy the thing you always wanted?? what's that to be depressed about?? you're alive and kicking.. go get your own funds... what's there to whine about the unfair-ness in the world that some people can carry stuff that costs more than the total of your earnings of your entire life... so?? is that really important?? you do have the chance to move and get it.. eventhough it's costs time and effort.. at least you could pay that..
stress and pure dissatisfaction?? ok, so it's your finals tomorrow and you have not studied anything yet.. or you're required to get some job done within seconds... well, at least you could feel the stress and the satisfaction if you overcome them... pure dissatisfaction is just sad, go get a life.. the world does not stop for you if you hated your job, your body, your face, your gf/bf, your rival, the person who have a nicer figure than you, a singer that sings like crap and depends solely on looks... there are plenty of things that are more important than to stop and feel negative towards something that maybe doesnt even care...

I do wonder is there a sign?? what makes me write my previous blog post?? is it a wake-up call telling me that if i want to pursue something i should not be sitting down write a list, and leave it there thinking that it's impossible to get them fulfilled.. instead, i should be planning on how to get it done and dealt with.. I'm a natural procrastinator.. i have a whole lot of things that i wanna do but i always keep it till tomorrow... until the time comes... something tells me this kind of attitude is not getting me going anywhere..

almost everybody takes things for granted... anything, anybody will still be there tomorrow... there are times that you might not be that lucky... and things can be too late, you'll regret but nothing's gonna change anything except for what's done is done... and you cant do anything about it... you may say it's not fair and you dont deserve it... but, does all the earthquake victims deserve to die because of the disaster?? does the victims of suicide bombs deserve to die exploded?? what did they do to the bomber?? besides being at the wrong place at the wrong time?? somethings are just meant to be and eventhough you question them, you'll never get the answer you wanted or expected or want to hear..

i miss the smile that greets me every now and then in the office.. i miss the company.. the constant company when I stay back late to get my work done... the voice that wishes me happy holidays before the celebration... all these seems minor but you'll realise that it really means a lot after it's gone...

I hope you're in a better place now, enjoying every bit...


Signing off...
may you rest in peace... Ernest Ong... you're a good friend and a fantastic colleague to work with.. you're the only person who colour italics so that it's more obvious... I'll miss you always... Goodbye..

The "Should" or "No Should"??

Sometimes i really question a lot of things.. Once upon a time... people tell me that extra-curricular activities was very very very important when it comes to applying scholarships during the tertiary education stage... Does it??

Ok, i'll admit that i am not active and involved in current university activities due to the time and transport thing.. but i was quite active during secondary school...

notice the past tense???

I really don't get it... If extra-curricular is THAT important.. how come i see people whom i know have not been actively involved in extra curricular activities gets scholarships like nobody's business??

So what is it actually?? Is it important or not??

If it is... then how come i see what i saw?? how is it fair??

I put in a lot of effort in those... but in the end... it seems useless... everybody are standing on the same box... active or not... so should i be spending my time on things that doesn't really help me in anything.. whilst the transportation i am using could be put to better use at other place??

and then how come questions about the active-ness comes up again??

I really don't get it...

Just talking

Yo.. i know i have not been around my blog for a very long time.. i'm back up here to clear away some dusts and spider webs hanging around here... i havent been blogging and i really dont have much to blog about currently... well.. some of my news report stuff are kinda interesting but i dont have time to share them up here... i havent got the photos anyway... those copied from facebook are not from the best quality.. anyway.. it's just excuses...

my short semester is coming to an end... just a blink of an eye yo... sigh~~ this has not been an overwhelming semester.. thing have not been going on smoothly.. or they'll either be ok on the surface, hiding a whole lot of challenges and problems underneath the very nicely coated top layer...

the subjects we have for this semester is seriously heavy... gosh.. 3 equally heavy subjects cram together in a short 7 weeks... imagine a ton on your shoulder... get the picture?? ok, so now multiply by 3... guess how it feels... you are squished onto the ground...

csa is just a disaster... ideas were given, presented approved but they dont go together... a campaign will need to have at least 3 ads in a media... so we have 3 ads plus an ambient which makes 4... and all the tutor did was to approve all of them.. BUT, the magic word pops out... "NOT CONSISTENT"... what the??!! i think we already have 5 different but incomplete campaigns already... everytime the tutor approves a few.. we'll have to think of others to match those that were approved... but we couldnt think of any.. so we change the idea.. then there he goes.. the same thing about the "CONSISTENCY"... why??!!! we have an average of 2 ads per campaign.. which makes them all incomplete... what a disaster!!!

then here comes broadcast journalism.. the assignment itself is kinda fun... covering events and news.. but when it comes to writing news stories... the nightmare arrives again... my articles are too "report" style.. similar like those "laporan" essay you do when you are in high school.. sigh~~~ and it's hard to change... i gave up writing and focus on my online news instead.. shooting went ok... just ok.. coz there were problems in the way and the fun part somehow balanced it up...

film appreciation, criticism and interpretation... sigh... sigh.. double huge big sigh~~ i'm no critic.. i hardly critic stuff... i dont see thinks critically.. i'm a very surface person... i go by the literal meanings... if you will have to ask me what is the meaning behind something... wooh... what the hell are you talking about??? besides.. i'm not observant enough... my eyes are slow... what to do?? i'll be staring at the movie for my assignment without blinking to interprete the shots... poor eyes....


i know it's kinda late to rant.. but i just couldnt help it... why must the government allow the ptptn loan to be converted to scholarship if the student is a first class honours?? why must this have to happen?!! i remember there was such thing a few years ago.. and i dont know why it was abolished dont know when... but all i know is when it's my year to apply.. there was no such thing.. ok fine.. so it'll just have to happen right i before i graduate.. what luck i have..

i am not a lucky person.. i know that.. i never have the luck for things, lucky draws and stuff.. i'm ok with that.. but this is too much... how can i be so unlucky??

i need luck.. i need creativity... i need money... i need more time... i need i whole load of things... where can i find them????

ramblings

i seriously have the feeling that i'm not going to do well in this semester's finals... my cgpa is definitely going to drop again... gosh... what have i been doing for the past few days???? honestly... i'm not sure... i studied... certainly... not much but at least i did.... remembered points... yeah... i'm on track... the correct one.... forcing point forms and words to be drilled into my almost-full-of-anything-but-academic-stuff brain... yeah... i did that... go to the exam hall... yes.. i'm getting there... last mental note to myself whether i remembered everything that i'm suppose to remember... checked....

into the exam hall.... lay down my stationary.... put my phone and stuff on the floor... flips through the exam question paper... voila... congratulations, you've done it again.... the stuff that you spotted and memorised so hard is not out... very good... brilliant.... so what now???? crap as much as you can and don't show anyone that you are freaking out because you don't know how to answer a single freaking question.... great.... just great... start writing... write those you have been memorising so hard before.... make them worth it... worth the effort... eventhough it obviously seem not related to the question asked.... just write... puke as much words as you can... get an extra answer booklet... just to comfort yourself.. i have loads of things to write about... loads of nonsensical stuff... loads of nonsense, that is... does the word "nonsensical" exist??

ok fine... i finish everything in time... not really finish.. i mean pour out all the nonsense i have on the paper... hoping that it'll get a few marks for effort of writing but i guess i'm thinking too much... so i'll just throw everything out of my mind and stop thinking about it... i'll feel better that way.... hopefully... but not....

everything just falls apart... i know i did not put enough effort... i knew that all along... but i didnt bother to add... so what??? i couldnt care less... i'm still the lazy bum who skips math questions so that i dont have figure out so many solutions and yet i still did my homework...

i'm very self contradicting... which kills the hell out of me... i want good results but i'm lazy... damn lazy... i'm disappointed with my forever-dropping cgpa... but when it comes to putting effort in finals... i back off... what do i want actually???

sigh sigh....

why is my post so emo for the past few months???? has my lifestyle changed??? i want my bubbly happy life back!!!! give me back my bubbles!!!!
or is it the aging problem???? changes how i see things... oh no... if that's the case... i better do something.... FAST.... i dont wanna grow old yet.... i still want my bubbly life back...
or maybe its my constant failure.... blame design subjects!!! they have not been nice to me since i was in foundation.... i still hate them... thoroughly...
i'm still waiting for my bubbles...

hopefully i'll find them this coming Sunday... i'm looking forward to it.... time to meet new friends and get my mind off exams and failure and whatever stuff that is bothering me...
bubbles... come to me....


in the meantime...


i just did a test on facebook....

just took the "What is your deepest, darkest fear?" quiz and the result is You fear failure..

You are a very driven person, with specific goals set to guide you through life. The idea that you might not achieve these goals is scary to you. Since you identify so strongly with your actions (your work, your relationships, etc.), you feel that failure would reflect poorly upon you. Without success and accolades, you secretly wonder what value you have, and if people would still love and respect you.



so i have this phobia thingy.... failure-phobia... or whatever you call that.... well i admit that though... although it took me long enough to realise that... hehehe...

update for the sake of updating....

forget about the long breaks between posts.... the other blogs suffer longer breaks... so just please bear with me...

currently i'm on my study leave... which literally... i should be studying... which is what i did but not a lot....

my everyday life is practically the same everyday since monday.... wake up at 10am.... breakfast... tv... bath.... internet (facebook, mainly)... lunch.... "study" while watching tv... dinner... "study" while watching tv again.... zzzzz...

what have i studied???? not very sure... internet research maybe... since that is what i have been frequently doing.... not really research... more to entertainment....

my current semester has net been very good... seeing that i fail mid terms.... failed assignments.... doing very poorly in presentations... so i guess i'll be dragging down my cgpa to a lower level.... what can i do??? was being kinda distracted after seeing friends leaving the country... and finally doing what they always wanted to do.... while i'm still stuck here doing what i-dont-know-what-am-i-doing... must i sound so depressing???? well... i cant deny the fact that i'm really envious of mew mew.... a new friend i've known but never met.... she get to be in the very place that i have always dreamt of going.... and she's working well there... despite the economy crisis thingy that might affect her... it seems that she wasnt really affected except for maybe the extremely long working hours.... but i bet she wouldnt mind that....

ok... i must get rid of all these depressing stuff in my mind.... think of something happy.... maybe that's why i have been watching so much tv.... because watching tv... simply makes me happy...

just like the title od the post... i'm updating for the sake of updating.... since i dont have much to share.... so i might as well just pour random words to make up for it....

hmm... i wonder... will my application be successful????
if its ok... i'm so gonna have to brush up my english.....
my english grammer is pathetic and embarassing...
wahahahaha


signing off!!

indirect blames...

Your Friendship Style is Empathetic

You deeply care about each person you're friends with. For you, friendship is all about the personal connection. You tend to know everything about your friends' lives... and they know everything about yours. Your friends are your confidants. You are always there for your friends. You celebrate their successes and support them in their times of need. You are as loyal as they come. And you expect the same loyalty and understanding from your friends in return. You and another Empathetic Friend: Have a amazing friendship, when it works. You care for each other deeply, but you often end up with hurt feelings and drama. You and a Gregarious Friend: May have a bit of a one sided friendship. You adore your Social Friend, but you sometimes feel a bit neglected. You and an Independent Friend: Struggle a bit. You are very interested in your Independent Friend's life, but your friend often needs more space. You and a Philosophical Friend: Respect one another. You love to learn about your Philosophical Friend's brilliant ideas.

What's Your Friendship Style?

just for fun.....

uni buddies are currently having their lunch at NZX... dao rae!!! gosh!!! i miss the bbq pork!!!

1 lecture class for tomorrow... and i'm very very reluctant to go to uni... i dont know why either... it's just... very worthless.... although i once said that i will be looking forward to the screenplay and scriptwriting subject... well... i'm not eating my words... or taking it back... i still like to write... but just i dont feel like studying anymore... it seems that the result received isnt worth the effort paid... disappointments after disappointments everytime i get my results slip... i use to say that i dont mind it dropping as long as it is consistent so that i can have a nice slope in my results graph... that was pathetic.... sacarcism isnt really working nowadays.... i really want my cgpa to go up... but the more i want it... the lower it slumps...

i didn't put in enough effort, you say??? i tend to take things for granted, you say??? well... i admit... but i do put in a hell lot of effort in things when people dont notice... i dont like to brag about how much i've studied or what... because the more bragging is done... the results will be even worse.... but sometimes i do last minute studying... so what??? everybody does that... but i try my hardest to get everything into my brain... and i did do the best i can...

ok fine... for those last-minute thingies... i accept the results.. but what about those that i have put so much effort in it but end up getting results that are so bad that people wouldnt even wanna step on it if it's left on the floor.... so from time to time.. i tend to give up... and let things pass...

yes... i should be responsible for my own stuff... i should be the one blamed when things dont go the way i wanted... yes.. i'm indirectly blaming myself... but...

its not that i dont put enough effort... its not that i take things for granted... but things doesnt even go the way you want when you put in a hell lot of effort for about loads of times...

so... what's the point????

chicken soup from the soul...

You Are Chicken Noodle Soup

You are a traditional and conservative person. You value the past, and change frightens you. You are very loyal, especially to your family. You prefer a low-key life, with lots of time spent at home. You like soup because it's easy, quick, and cheap. You tend to have a favorite soup you stick to. Why change a good thing?

What Kind of Soup Are You?

I love chicken noodle soup!!!! heee.... more and more quizzes are done day by day... and yes... if you're thinking that i already have nothing much to blog about... i really dont have much to blog about anymore...

maybe it's just the way i see things nowadays... some things that use to matter a lot doesnt really matter after all... or it should be... it actually doesnt really matter... no big deal... and now i tend to think a lot about things that have not happen but are bound to happen, maybe.... anyway... is that a sign of aging???

dont ask me why... but i just somehow feel very reluctant to go to uni.... although this time the timetable is not bad.. we have early morning class almost everyday... have a tuesday off instead of a saturday but by all means... i'm kinda satisfied with it... and very happy.... but i just feel that is it necessary anymore??? the more i go on in this course the more i feel that i'm just not good at anything... my marks has been dropping since day 1.... being a failure in almost every subject isnt something to be proud of... i can't just walk off and say i dont mind getting a B... I DO MIND.... i dont mind that my cgpa marks to keep dropping as it will set a very nice slope for my results graph.. excuse me.. I MIND!!

well.. i know its too late... but sometimes i wonder that am i doing the right thing for myself... you see.. i'm graduating next year and now only i start thinking about my decisions... whether i did the right thing or not.... i clearly know that i can't change anything already... even if i can... what should i change to??? instead of mass comm??? business??? science??? no... no1 i can't really stand numbers, profits, margins and stuff... and the latter... i dont have a good background in science anyway... i rubbed it off since i'm done with SPM.... so what am i to do???

if i get to go to hk... i'll know exactly where would i want to go for my internship... but now... i have nil idea.... i envy those people who get to go to tvb for internship... although i know they most probably might not be officially hired but at least they have been there... and i also know the have the job of the lowest rank almost the same as a tea lady but i somehow wouldnt mind that... but these are all just a daydream....

so... if i were to walk away.... where would i go??? or where should i go????

frustrated short semester...

i just dont know why but i really have a very negative feeling about short semesters... everything seems to go wrong for me during this time of study.... foundation went chaos.... i could accept that as a coincidence... but degree too???? i dont think so...

i know short sems are suppose to be a more relaxed time of study... but no... not for me... everything is squished up into 7 weeks instead of 14... assignments are in a rush... everything... is a hassle!! when there is doubt you'll have to wait till the next week for consultation.. because most of the lecturers are part time... even if they aren't, you only get to see them once or twice a week... which you will have to delay your work until the next week which is also a week closer to your deadline....

all my assignments gone haywire during this semester... nothing just seems to go right... not even a single thing.... dont mention public speaking because it didnt go as plan either... my impromptu was utter nonsense... as i dont have enough time to work out the points... my persuasive was worst as i was damn nervous of being late and the FIRST one... my demonstrative was a huge disaster!!! as our topic wasnt demonstrative enough and we were under the time limit.... these are the minor cases of the semester...

let's hear about the serious ones...

multimedia design and applications... why do they always have to have web page design subjects in short semesters??? why do they have to have it in our course anyway???? i so hate webpage design now... i think i would now rather work in a bank than to work with web page design... i change my mind about giving it a chance when i'm desperate... no chance given... eventhough i have to beg in the streets... no web page design!!! if you see me charging into the webpage design field in the future... i'm not the person you've known anymore... so dont greet me or anything... i might be suffering from amnesia due to a huge great big accident... i might not even remember you... so please bear with me...

my assignment was a total wreckage!! if my demonstrative speech was a disaster... this assignment is a whole "doomsday"!!! at first... ok the only part that went right... is i got to choose the title that i want... that's all... then everything starts to go wrong... i'm in charge of flash.. and i cant do anything right with it!!! ok the page by page thingy is ok... but when it comes to linking... i'm really near to killing myself... i thought of just failing the whole assignment... but i cant bring my group members down with me... the whole assignment is a total failure all because of me... and ever since... nothing has gone right with this assignment... even the posting doesnt work for me... fine... i'm so thru with webpage..

i'm finally back!!!!

guess how long have i been wandering away from my blog???? and it's not my fault!!! it's my connection... then my pc.... everything has not been going so well after all... and it always happens during my short semester....



some may think that i should not put the blame on my luck again... but how could it be a coincidence if i only went through 2 short semesters in my uni lfe and i always have to face computer and connection problems during that time???? there's no explanation towards that arent they???



if you wanna confirm... i'm quite sure that i have post something about my connection during my last short semester... which is around february or march last year.... i was required to create a website and also make it available online... and my connection just have to play along and i cant upload anything.... anybody with website-creating background will know that in order to make a website available online.... you'll have to upload all your whatsoever pictures, images, graphics (i know they are all the same thing... but just let me fill more words into my post as i have not been posting for so long...), videos and stuff online to get them work on the website... so how am i going to make it available online if i cant upload???? in the end... kah yee and i used the uni's internet lab to upload everything.... and boy, that took us a while....

and now... also another short semester... also another website-creating assignment... and also another make-the-website-available-online request is on..... so now... what will happen to my very very vitally important technology????

internet-connection: ah-ha!! maybe i should flicker the dsl light a little bit and just freak her out.... push off the internet connection for a few days... it's just the first
week of study... nothing much needed from me....

thank you very much.... i'm really freaked out ok..... i cant go online... i cant do research... i cant search for details and info... i cant blog... i cant facebook.... i cant reply the mails the japanese kids sent to me... ish!!!! then today... finally... my dad call up telekom to get them to fix the phone line... ya.. the phone line is causing problems... maybe i should change the character of the dialogue above... maybe not.... it's seems ok though....

next....

pc: ah now... this girl have been torturing me non-stop when mr internet connection was on vacation.... on and off... on and off... just to see if the stupid explorer is loading or not.... so now i think i'll just "mogok" and let her know who's the boss!!!! the next time is the last time she gets me turn on.... (ok, this sounds weird)

why la???!!!!! now my pc is toasted!!!! cannot on it at all!!!!!! argh!!!!!!! so what shall i do now??? i know my laptop will always come in handy but the problem is... i prefer doing things using the pc... because the laptop screen can really kill my eyesight... everything seems so bright eventhough i adjust the brightness to the lowest of all....

so now... do you agree that i always have bad luck with our very handy-dandy online technology during short semesters... i still have one more to go... i wonder what else will happen to my computer... laptop... connection... whatsoever......

LOST: panda's blogging mood...

i have a lot of events to update.... genting trip.... cheryl's farewell gathering.... but i simply dont have the mood to post anything about them.... why???!!!

i guess i've lost my blogging mood these few days.... dont know why.... and dont know how.... but i just dont feel like writing and updating my blog... i thought i post this up to let you, who are still wandering around in my blog waiting for updates that i.... have nothing for you.... sorry for the dissapointment.... anyway... the genting trip.... you can get the details from chenghui's blog... i bet the others might also be updating about that so you can tune to their blogs... and for cheryl's farewell gathering... i think huiping post an entry about that... and sheh lee too... so go and check out theirs if you are interested in knowing what happened.....

i've always been very excited about updating my blog about stuff happening around me.... even teeny-weeny stuff that doesnt really matter much.... but now... big things such as my genting trip.... farewell gathering... and even my upcoming hk trip did not trigger my blogging mood to post a few words and photos here.....

what to do now????
oh gosh... this is so depressing....

exam times~~~

Here's my third ebay item!!! yay!! Arrived while i was busy scribbling for my advertising copywrting exam.... i'll be expecting another 3 more arriving together... which i think will arrive on thursday.... when i'm squishing my very dry brain for answers during my broadcasting ii paper....

today's advertising copywriting was one of a kind... ok... first thing first... i did not went "sesat"-ed like last time...

the exam clock has started ticking.... i'm busy brain-storming for ideas to fill the copy required.... why didnt i prepare this earlier??? anyway... all was ok... i finished the compulsory question and move to the "answer 2 out of 3 question".... at first i was planning to write the sales letter... then i suddenly have no confidence in writing letters creatively.... besides i forgot which info should be in which paragraph... so i practically skipped the question... and went off doing the television commercial script.... you guys may think... writing scripts are my specialty... it will be a breeze for me... but you're wrong this time.... i'm not good at writing commercials... due to the time limit and lack of info.... i think i said something about hating time limits before.... anyway... nothing much to blab about this... NEXT....

after i'm done with question 2, the tvc... i went on with question 3 which requires us to change the existing body and headline copy of a billboard and reposition the product.... everything went pretty smoothly until... i "ter"-saw.... (i wasn't peeping!!) my eyes somehow caught hold of kevin sitting diaganally in front of me... i saw him twisting, turning and folding the paper... "what's his issue with the paper???" then i saw him tracing something on to his answer script!!! OH S**T!!!! you have to draw???!!!! panic-ing... i quickly scribbled some very lame-looking pictures under my answers.... well... i dont think i have to explain how "decent" my drawing is.... and then... kevin told me that actually drawing is NOT REQUIRED!!!! oh faraday!!!! why did i waste all my time drawing those lame pictures???!!!! dang!!!! i bet mr zachary or ms tianne will be laughing histerically after seeing my drawings.... on other hand... i think my drawing may result marks dedustion!!!! because they dont really match my description!!! a so-called stylish ford(the car) has now turned into a toy-car-like vehicle... thanks to my drawing.... shooooox....

hopefully mr zachary or ms tianne or whoever is marking my anser script... would be wise enough to ignore the drawings and just look at the words instead... besides... i think i have inserted too much words for a billboard!!! i should have omit the highlight copy.... why am i so "kepo" to just insert it in the copy.... billboards dont have highlight copy!!! screw my "kepo"-ness....

end of beijing olympics...

after 16 days... the beijing olympics 2008 has finally come to an end... although i missed the opening...


but luckily i still get to watch the closing... heee... along with my individual 4-shots assignment editing.... now i know... how i suck at editing.....





being in broadcasting is like a wake-up call to me... telling me that what i think is simple and easy is actually not really what as i thought it is.... things that i thought needed the least effort actually requires the most.... things that i thought i could easily manage turns out to be the hardest of all... its not just what i think it is anymore... its more about technical skills, drawing skills, design skills, editing skills, production skills and a lot of other skills which are not found within me...

sometimes i really wonder if i have chose the right course.... it's entirely my choice... my mom and dad were open minded enough to let me choose something that will decide my future.... so that means i have full responsibility of all the decisions made... i cant blame anybody for any problems i faced.... however... i'm not sure whether do i suite this field.... i was pretty certain that i belong to this field... but it seems like that because i'm compared to my other science stream friends who are currently doing chemistry, law, nursing, pharmacy, medicine,engineering..... and all other science related or non-communication-related courses... i just seem to be the most suitable out of some "unsuitables"....







i cant draw... i cant act.... i cant plan shots... i cant design.... i cant edit... and now i even doubt whether can i write anymore..... everything just seems so hard.... everybody is better....

but if anybody out there thinks that broadcasting is an easy-peasy course which you can just grab a degree with your eyes closed... think again... or just give it a try... you'll think twice before saying that this course is easy.... in my opinion... it might be just as hard as those science subjects out there.... so watch out...





ish.... apasal emo??!!! back to olympics...


time just rockets away... i still havent really put away the emo-ness in me because i missed the opening... and now i'm actually watching the closing... ironic...


I love the mascots so much!! BeiBei, JingJing, HuanHuan, YingYing and NiNi

Especially JingJing!!! because he's a PANDA!!!!

Cute!!!

dodged...

after i reach home from school today.... i got to know that a parcel for me has arrived yesterday when i was busy shopping in pyramid.... so.... instead i'm left with a pink card telling me to collect it at the post office within 15 days or else.....

the post office closes at 4.30... since i reached home before 4.. i guess i could just go over and get my parcel instead of risking it being sent back to the sender because i may forgot all about it after this...

after retrieving my parcel.... i was on a hurry to rush back home... when i just shot off when the traffic light turned green.... well... doesnt sound wrong, right??? but nooo.... it's awfully wrong.... i was so focused on going home... i didnt realised that the green light was actually meant for those vehicles which heading straight but i'm planning to turn.... so i just turned and almost crashed into a toyota vios coming from the next lane..... luckily that guy jammed his brakes hard enough to stop and avoid the crash....

and lucky me too... there was no damage done towards both cars... however... i think the driver of that toyota vios is still cursing me like hell... and seriously doubt my driving skills and qualifications of getting a license.... so sorry man!!! i know that it is impossible for you to be reading my blog... but i just wanna say that i'm really really sorry!!! oh gosh.... i promise i'll be more careful next time!!!

nostalgic...

Currently still doing the referencing and citition for the moral assignment.... it really took a long time as i almost spent the whole afternoon yesterday generating the references.... yala... eggy gave me a hard time with very "brilliant" citations... so now i have to re-do it for her... smart right??!! she always is... (just kidding la...) taking a break off my assignment which i think will take me ages to finish.... i decided to come back up to my blog and stamp a few panda paw prints around first... so that my blog wont look abandoned....

my dad has sold my.... our family's nissan sentra!!!! old version la.... argh!!! i really liked that car... it has been around since the day i was born.... i wonder did i come back home from the hospital in it??? i'm not really sure bout that... but i know it for all my life already... and now it's leaving me!!!! yala.. it's a manual car... but i still like it... and i'm getting better in driving manual cars... and now my house will not have any more manual cars for me to practice!!!! *snifs... it's gonna leave today.... (so fast!!!) luckily i got my last drive today... yep.. i drove it to school and back... oh no... i'm missing it already... although it hasn't leave my house yet... it's still parked at my car porch.... but i really cant bear loosing it... it's like loosing an old friend for many many years... and for this case.. my whole life!!!!

i hate it when i have to get rid of things that have been around me for a very very long time... just the beginning of the year... my mom decided to get rid of my old toys.... a whole cupboard of them!!! in just one day... and of course i managed to save a few of them from the tragic dump behind my mom's back.... and hid them in my room's cupboard.... if only i can save all of them!!!!

don't you feel that getting rid of things that has been present in your life for like ever since you were born is like taking a part of your life away from you.... and it really hurts sometimes.... things that you cant bear to see them go.... they'll be leaving you forever and you'll never find them or see them again anymore.... nostalgia!!!!! and people always say... getting rid of old things is to make way for the new things to come in.... but old things contains memories... which are priceless and you can never get them back anymore..... someone once said, "all things old things are rubbish already... you better throw them away... why are you keeping all these things??? no wonder your room looks like a rubbish dump..."

i'll just have to bear with it now... accept the fact that the car which has been in my car porch for my whole life is leaving me.... forever.... for good.....

smarts...

i am like the very "smartest.... cleverest.... most intelligent.... wisest.... brightest..." person in the world!!!!! after a whole night of re-typing my part for the moral assignment... i forgot to save a backup copy in my email or in my pendrive!!!!!

and now i cant find my moral assignment folder!!!! i remember i saved it somewhere in my documents... but it's not in it... then i use the "search for folders" thingy and i cant find it anywhere.... it just simply vanished!!!!! that's the whole group's work!!!! S**T!!!! now i have to re-type my whole thing again!!!!! luckily all my points were written on pen and paper... so now the hard part is just to re-translate the essay part...

and yes... i lost the whole folder... so means i lost other parts of the assignment by others too... luckily.. eelin, joanne sent their part thru email.. so i still have copies... and eggy's part is still in my external...

which means....
festiny!!! i lost your part of the assignment... do you mind re-sending??? i know i should have had it in my received documents folder because you sent it through msn... but i was really "too smart" to have left it inside... so i cut and pasted it into the moral assignment folder which is now lost!!!!! please re-send it to me after you have seen this message and stop cursing me... i'll be sending you an sms later anyway after i'm done with this post....

so now i'll have to rewrite my part again... oh.. i actually did save a backup copy in my email... but that was done 2 days ago... which only consists of 2 paragraphs... argh!!!!

yesterday's multimedia tools for advertising mid term was not as scary as comm theory but it's scary too!!! our lecturer was kinda smart to prevent us from copying each other's answers by printing 2 versions of test papers... both with the same questions but in different sequence... so it makes it kinda hard to pass answers around and the questions number differs... and you have to mouth the whole question in order to get answers from other sources other than your brain... heee... 2 mid terms down.... 2 more to go, i guess... unless mr zachary changes his mind and decided to give us mid terms too...

ok for now... i'm heading back to microsoft word and re-type my essay...

signing off....

treasures within a communication student

it has been a quite depressing and frustrating weekend for me... being framed is not something nice to go thru... and all these while i have said... I HATE BEING FRAMED!!! people can just somehow "campur" the reality with their fantasy and make up some kind of situation which may seem so real and fits in so perfectly that even people who are certain of the whole real thing may doubt maybe what they know wasnt the whole thing.... (does it make sense??) but somehow rather... none of those things ever happened in the first place... well... i'm thru with the situation and i really cant do much about how people see me... although i really cared about that.... revenge may not seem pretty... but i choose not to... there are other ways... thanks to those who stood up for me.... i appreciated that... sorry for bringing you down into the situation as well...

ok... end of depressing stuff.... i'll just give a quick recap about what happened last friday... firstly... i reach school early again... even though my class starts at 11 due to the "same old issue" of getting a parking space.... bual-bual with friends... until its time to go for class... oh gosh.. speaking of class.. the comm theory tutorials are getting tougher and rougher... it's stressing me out!! i hate theories now... i cant understand a word the lecturer is teaching... i dont understand a phrase the tutor's discussing... and i cant think of a letter to put in my normative theory for malaysian media!!!!! help!!! somebody save~~~~ me!!! after class... we just got to know that the next class is cancelled... woo-hoo!!! no more comm theory class!!! i dont have to face miss u-know again... yay!! so in the end... we have 3 hours of break time.... eggy wants to go to digital mall to get her handphone skin fixed... but i was lazy to travel all the way to section 14.... we hanged around... not knowing where to go or what to do... unti titus came up with the offer.... "i'll treat you guys... let's go to tappers!!"... both of us straight away stood up straight, with sparkles in our eyes and followed him to tappers to join, cheng hui, karLim and jessie.... wahaha... we are greedy, thrifty and stingy.... thanks titus!!!

we stayed at tappers for more than 2 hours.... gossip... chat.... tell stories.... eat... drink.... until its time for us to go back for class... wow.. there's so much to talk about... and we are never out of things to talk about!!! waahaa.. the treasure within communication students!!!

i'll still on the way of searching for ideas to present to the tutor of multimedia tools for advertising... still looking at empty space... i hope i can come out with an idea which will not be banned by the tutor... and it will be able to find its way towards me... FAST!!! time is running out!! then assignments are starting to pile.... time to brush up!!!! its week 5 already!!!

p/s: stephanie... stop skipping class!!!