[P]erhaps I should...

I am very easily inspired and impressed by indie filmmakers, how the strive about to pursue their dreams and how they work pass criticisms, rejections and all sorts of hurdles to achieve what they have got today... I really enjoyed watching self-made videos on youtube just to be reminded that I once (and secretly still am) dream of producing videos and showing them to people who are interested from all over the world...

However, no matter how inspired I was... I still could not find the courage to step out and try to make it happen.. I fear that it is not a secured career, there will not be a stable income and I need to give up a whole lot of securities that I currently possess in order to get going... I have absolutely no courage of doing that.. That's just what separating me and my dreams.. I could not let go the luxury of a steady income..

Watching videos like this always stabs me hard... Why can't I just be who I want to be, for once, not care about the circumstances and the consequences...




Oh well... I am not proud of it but I still don't have the guts to follow what I want in life.. I love writing stories, I love joining video productions, I love early call times and late wraps that makes a great video where everybody would cheer for... the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction I always craved.. spending days in all sort of environments, rain or shine just to get a 5 minute video done... that's the life I prepared myself for...

But, I guess... it pays to be gutless.. like me... giving up a steady income is just so hard... especially after knowing the real situation surrounding me... It makes it even harder to just let go and just go... I have such a strong need of security that even the thought of letting go just suffocates me...

So here I am... watching videos and mentally stabbing myself everytime I see people leading the life I have always dream of...

Just a word of advise, to anybody who is reading this... if you dont step out and start walking into the path of your dreams, you will most probably end up like me, sitting in front of a PC with the luxury of a paid day job writing out your regrets just like this...

p/s: Old thinkings die hard, even harder when you need them to

I hope you could live your dream although I couldn't!!


Signing off~
Toodles!