into the exam hall.... lay down my stationary.... put my phone and stuff on the floor... flips through the exam question paper... voila... congratulations, you've done it again.... the stuff that you spotted and memorised so hard is not out... very good... brilliant.... so what now???? crap as much as you can and don't show anyone that you are freaking out because you don't know how to answer a single freaking question.... great.... just great... start writing... write those you have been memorising so hard before.... make them worth it... worth the effort... eventhough it obviously seem not related to the question asked.... just write... puke as much words as you can... get an extra answer booklet... just to comfort yourself.. i have loads of things to write about... loads of nonsensical stuff... loads of nonsense, that is... does the word "nonsensical" exist??
ok fine... i finish everything in time... not really finish.. i mean pour out all the nonsense i have on the paper... hoping that it'll get a few marks for effort of writing but i guess i'm thinking too much... so i'll just throw everything out of my mind and stop thinking about it... i'll feel better that way.... hopefully... but not....
everything just falls apart... i know i did not put enough effort... i knew that all along... but i didnt bother to add... so what??? i couldnt care less... i'm still the lazy bum who skips math questions so that i dont have figure out so many solutions and yet i still did my homework...
i'm very self contradicting... which kills the hell out of me... i want good results but i'm lazy... damn lazy... i'm disappointed with my forever-dropping cgpa... but when it comes to putting effort in finals... i back off... what do i want actually???
sigh sigh....
why is my post so emo for the past few months???? has my lifestyle changed??? i want my bubbly happy life back!!!! give me back my bubbles!!!!
or is it the aging problem???? changes how i see things... oh no... if that's the case... i better do something.... FAST.... i dont wanna grow old yet.... i still want my bubbly life back...
or maybe its my constant failure.... blame design subjects!!! they have not been nice to me since i was in foundation.... i still hate them... thoroughly...
i'm still waiting for my bubbles...
hopefully i'll find them this coming Sunday... i'm looking forward to it.... time to meet new friends and get my mind off exams and failure and whatever stuff that is bothering me...
bubbles... come to me....
in the meantime...
i just did a test on facebook....
just took the "What is your deepest, darkest fear?" quiz and the result is You fear failure..
You are a very driven person, with specific goals set to guide you through life. The idea that you might not achieve these goals is scary to you. Since you identify so strongly with your actions (your work, your relationships, etc.), you feel that failure would reflect poorly upon you. Without success and accolades, you secretly wonder what value you have, and if people would still love and respect you.
so i have this phobia thingy.... failure-phobia... or whatever you call that.... well i admit that though... although it took me long enough to realise that... hehehe...
3 comments:
hey hey...opphhs, so sorry i wasn't aware that you're a bit down these few days...is exam finished or there's still exam days next week? *gosh sorry gal and i tot you are in your intern thingy @_@* - if you can't make it, just let me know?
btw just like to keep you informed (so that you wont feel so alien as i'll not be around - i'm still seeing if there's any possibility that i come back on that day)...apart from melanie, there's joey (i totally forgot her in the midst of my work)...joey and mel together with another girl are the official reps for raymond's malaysian base of the fan club...i've informed them to take care of you :) joey's much senior than us, and for that we made her the leader, so you'll see her instructing sometimes, mel helps out a lot too...i really hope you'll be comfortable around them...haha, just bear in mind that there might be some young fanatic fans...;PP (not sure of your previous exposure to this kind of thingy, but maybe a worthwhile a 'sight-seeing' session;PP
i'll catch up with you after that session...have fun sharing your expertise:-)
wa...need 2 ans booklets for d pprs?since i enter my deg.i dont remember i need the 2nd ans booklet lol...foundation got once i need d 2nd booklet...sometimes i saw ppl asks for another ans booklet thn i doubted why they hv so much things to write arr?for sci ppr not much things to crap cz all are facts,wrong means wrong ady haizz...so arr if i know thn i know if i dont know d point thn blank ady =.="
juz finished my exan =D
bt overall,i did badly in this exam,stressful enuf bt glad tat it's ended.
rae's coming bek this week,i thk i i'll yumcha wif her.u want to come?this sat.if wan thn u tell me bt u still hv one more ppr to go right..hmmm...gambateh for the LAST ppr ba!!!! meet u soon~~~ ;D
muacksss~~~ >>>send u a flying kiss hahahahahaha~~
ooo... we communication students have lots to crap... when we cannot use our mouths... we use our hands lo...
i dont use to booklets that frequently la.... just occasionally... because we have loads of essay questions...
4 essay questions answer all... you think 1 booklet enough???
especially when you dont know which is the right answer and start writing about everything you remember... dont care whether relevant or not...
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